When Mentors are Unnecessary
December 21st, 2010 § 4 Comments
“Hi Coach, what’s our topic for today?” Jake asked.
“The topic would be, When Mentors are Unnecessary,” I replied.
“This seems to be a different thought,” Jake said.
“Before I start, I want to make sure that you do not misunderstand the concept,” I said.
“Alright.”
“We all need teachers, mentors, instructors, coaches, disciplers and the like,” I said. “But there are times when it is best not to have them.”
“Let me get this right,” Jake said, “you are not negating their importance nor their necessity in learning, but you are saying that there are exceptions.”
“Having mentors speed up the process for learning,” I said. “It gives us a sense that we are not alone in our learning, our decisions and our life.”
“However?” Jake asked in anticipation.
“There are times when mentors, teachers, coaches, pastors, priests, fathers, and the like become the limits that will hold our full potential,” I said. “They can become the boxes that trap our out-of-the-box thinking. It is possible that you unknowingly operate in a mental framework, which works yet limits.”
“It is ironic for you to say that because you are a mentor yourself,” Jake said, “but I see your point.”
“It is precisely why I am saying it to you,” I said. “I am a mentor, coach, father and pastor. Yet I can be unconsciously a limit to you and all who might admire or follow me.”
“But I have learned a lot from you and I still keep learning,” Jake said.
“I am not stopping you from that,” I said. “You may still keep learning from me if you see it beneficial. I still have a lot to impart to you.”
“Thank goodness,” Jake said. “I thought you were firing me as a client.”
“No, but I want to release you for a while,” I said.
“You mean we will no longer meet?” Jake asked.
“I am always here,” I said. “We’ll just stop the regular meeting.”
“As long as I can still meet you,” Jake said.
“I am just a phone call away,” I said. “Let me give you some reasons why there are times it is best to be free of us.”
“Okay coach. let me hear it,” Jake said “but this feels so strange to me.”
“One. You must learn on your own. Process your ideas without much interference,” I said, “even from a coach.”
“But coach, you taught me to process ideas with others,” Jake said. “Doesn’t that contradict it.”
“No,” I said. “You must consult your ideas to others especially mentors, but this time, I want you to generate ideas that perhaps, few or no one has thought about even your mentors. Ideas that might polarize people to love it or the opposite.”
“No middle ground?” Jake said.
“Staying in the middle means trying to please as many as you can,” I said, “which is not really bad except that you will never excel or standout.”
“You mean to tell me that I must try to conceptualize ideas that even mentors have not thought about?” Jake asked, “not to mention polarize them.”
“Yes. Remember that success is not trying to make everyone like you but creating fans or advocates of a segment,” I explained, “but the other segments may dislike you. If everyone likes your idea then that is middle ground. And middle ground is not striking enough.”
“I think I learned that from my studies,” Jake said. “And I agree. What’s the other reason when mentors are unnecessary?”
“To be incomparable!” I said. “When it is time to let your uniqueness come out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Birds of the same feather flock together, right?” I asked.
“Oh, you are bringing up a past lesson,” Jake said. “But even your past lesson says that I must join a company of eagles, those who think are a cut above the rest.”
“Hold on,” I said. “Do not get excited.”
“Sorry.”
“It is good to be part of a company of eagles. But each eagle must depart from his family in order to gain his territory,” I said. “A mature eagle will still be alone.”
“Help me integrate it coach.”
“Look beyond your mentors,” I said. “Allow your uniqueness to come out.”
“I am somehow getting it now,” Jake said. “Though I am inspired by role models or mentors, I must one day be the mentor and role model, but that is not all. I must be free to create or evolve into something I have not seen from them. I must be free to be uniquely me – what I was meant to be.”
“At some point you must stop benchmarking,” I said. “Be inspired by us, cherish the lessons, but dream beyond us. You are not me, you were not meant to be like me even if you learned much from me, nor should you remain to be in the shadow of anyone. Step out in faith. Mount the wind. Free your mind.”
“I am getting it,” Jake said. “If I innovate, or start a new category in business, or start a new kind of profession, if it is so new, then no one is an expert yet. No one would be able to mentor me. Most, if not all, will fail to grasp it at first.”
“If other mentors grasp it quickly,” I said, “maybe it is not really new.”
“I get it coach,” Jake said. “May I call you, should I have more questions regarding this topic?”
“Of course,” I said. “But another thing before you go. You are coaching and mentoring some people right?”
“Yes.”
“Let them learn from you but do not become their limit. They are not you. Encourage their different-ness to come out. And advise them not to make any other person they admire to be their ceiling or limit,” I advised. “Their minds should be free to soar.”
“Got it.”
“Bye Jake.”
© Eduardo R. Pilapil Jr. 2010
The How of Habits
December 16th, 2010 § 2 Comments
“Hi Coach, I recalled that in one of our previous discussions, you mentioned that my lifestyle should develop my expertise,” Jake said.
“Yes I did.”
“And that I should focus on building habits that contribute to that,” Jake said. “My question is, how do I build those habits?”
“Have you identified the habits that can help you become one of the best at what you do?” I asked.
“Well I thought I should develop different habits such as reading, listening, studying, writing, speaking, saving, investing, sleeping well, and more,” Jake said. “But I learned that there are bad habits that I had to change like watching too much TV and eating a lot of junk food.”
“Do not get so frustrated,” I said. “It is a good step that you know what must be changed. And that you are willing.”
“I am not sure,” Jake said. “If I were willing I should have made significant changes already.”
“Do not be too hard on yourself,” I said. “Compared to others, you are better off. Some do not even care.”
“Okay, I’ll be calm,” Jake said. “But how do I develop good habits and get rid of bad ones.”
“Jake, how do you eat an elephant?” I asked.
“I can’t eat an elephant. What do you mean?” Jake asked.
“It’s a hypothetical question. Answer it.”
“It’s too big!” Jake replied.
“Precisely,” I said. “You cannot eat it all at once because it is too big. So how do you eat it?”
“Piece by piece.” He said as he gently went back to sit.
“You cannot change all the bad habits at one time,” I said. “Replace bad habits by new ones. One at a time.”
“One at a time,” he repeated.
“How long does it take to develop a habit?” I asked.
“I read somewhere that it is around 21 days,” Jake said.
“Yes, 3 weeks seems to be the accepted number,” I said. “But that number is not the same for all individuals so do not get frustrated. Just keep it up.”
“Alright. What do you suggest I do next?”
“One at a time,” I said. “Cut your cable to save time and money.”
“What?”
“I thought you wanted some changes,” I said. “By doing one thing, you can affect change on other things.”
“Okay, I’ll do it,” Jake said. “And I will use the freed up time to read and write more.”
“The few extra hours everyday channeled to developing your skills will be a major factor for your growth,” I said. “Give me your word that you will not revive your cable TV subscription within one month.”
“You have my word.”
“Good,” I said. “What will you write about?”
“Maybe make notes on speech styles or lecture styles,” Jake said.
“Good. Get out of the house at night and look for evening seminars or classes,” I said. “Commit to blog about it daily so you are forced to write.”
“Thanks for the session coach,” Jake said. “I needed that extra push. I’ll do what you say.”
“See you next week Jake,” I said. “I expect some changes.”
“Yup, I’ll stop the cable TV subscription.” Jake smiled as he left.
© Eduardo R. Pilapil Jr. 2010
Be Decisive in Times of Crisis
December 14th, 2010 § 3 Comments
“Hi Coach, how was your week?” Jake asked as he sat on the sofa.
“Tough week due to the number of decisions I had to make,” I replied.
“Can we discuss that today?” Jake asked.
“Which one?”
“Decision-making.”
“Alright,” I said. “But let me cite the value then we will discuss the process.”
“The value would be decisiveness,” Jake said.
“Right, let me define it,” I said. “It is the ability to make sound decisions especially during critical moments.”
“By critical moment you mean in times of crisis?” Jake asked.
“Yes,” I said. “Leaders and entrepreneurs are forced to make decisions regularly. The toughest times are when they have to make sacrifices. Or, if the decision is unpopular.”
“What else makes decision-making hard?” Jake asked.
“Well, you have to live with the consequence should it be the wrong decision,” I said. “And your popularity will be at risk.”
“What is the opposite of decisiveness?” Jake asked.
“We can say, avoidance or fear,” I said, “or maybe procrastination.”
“But not making a decision is a decision in itself, right?” Jake said.
“If you want to play with the meaning, then yes.”
“Have you had those times, coach?” Jake asked.
“As an entrepreneur, of course. As a leader, of course. As an Entrepreneur Coach, of course,” I said.
“How did it feel especially during crisis times?” Jake asked.
“Stressful!” I said. “Though there were cases where decisions had to be quick and there were cases where decisions had to be delayed. Knowing when was important.”
“But the decisions still had to be made, right?” Jake said.
“Yes, there is no way around it,” I said. “Like you said, an indecision is a form of decision. An indecision is a decision to surrender to the forces of circumstance. It is to give up control.”
“When should a decision be delayed?” Jake asked.
“When you need more consultation,” I said, “and when you have the luxury to delay it a little bit more. It is circumstantial.”
“I hope I can learn to be a good decision-maker,” Jake said.
“It takes practice,” I said. “But let me assure you that you will make wrong decisions. No one is perfect. Every seasoned leader knows that.”
“That is reassuring,” Jake replied with a bit of sarcasm. “How do you cope up with the wrong decisions?”
“I learn from it,” I said, “and I move on. Feeling bad about it does not help.”
“You mentioned earlier about a decision-making process,” Jake said.
“If it is a crisis, the first is to identify the problem, second is to search for the root causes,” I said. “Please note that there can be more than one cause.”
“I see.”
“Third is list down short-term, mid-term and long-term solutions,” I continued. “Fourth, is to get third party perspective. Fifth, prepare resources. Sixth, assemble the team who will implement the solutions, and seventh, tell the team to just do it.”
“What else should I know aside from this process,” Jake asked.
“Balance facts and gut,” I said.
“By gut you mean, intuition,” Jake said.
“Yes.”
“How do you do it?” Jake asked.
“After reviewing all the data, I set it all aside. I calm my mind and heart. I reflect. Then I decide,” I said.
“Isn’t the data good enough?” Jake asked. “Why use the gut?”
“There is no such thing as a complete data,” I said. “The time of quietness and reflection should help you integrate the forces that are unseen.”
“Unseen?” Jake wondered.
“Five years ago, did you foresee the global financial crisis?” I asked.
“No.”
“Ten years ago, did you foresee that there would be a 9/11 incident?” I asked.
“No.”
“Twenty years ago, did you foresee how the internet would affect our lives today?” I asked.
“No.”
“But some foresaw,” I said. “With a bit of uncertainty, a combination of facts and gut, they made their decisions. And they got breakthroughs.”
“Wow,” Jake said.
“But the opposite can be true,” I said. “You can also lose big time like the internet and real estate bubbles that blew up.”
“So decision-making is not a perfect science,” Jake said.
“No it is not,” I said. “In fact, I think it is more of an art.”
“That’s another thought-provoker,” Jake said.
“There is much to say but that is all for now Jake. See you next week.”
© Eduardo R. Pilapil Jr. 2010
Read the Masters
November 10th, 2010 § 3 Comments
“I’ve done my assignment!” Jake proudly stated as he entered my office. “I have read at least 3 books on public speaking.”
“Good,” said I as I sat down behind my desk.
“What else should I do?” asked Jake.
“Keep reading about the subjects of your interest. Read a thousand books if you can,” I stressed.
“Why is reading so important?” Jake wondered out loud.
“Do you believe in the saying that there is no difference between a man who cannot read and a man who does not read?” I asked.
“Wow. What a statement!” exclaimed Jake, “But I guess it is true. I should maximize or use my capacity to read and learn simply because I can read.”
“It is such a pity that with the wealth of knowledge available in our libraries, bookstores and the internet, many people do not see the jewels hidden between the rocks,” I shared.
“You mean the insights I read that can help improve my knowledge and skills,” said Jake.
“Jake, if you observe some of the very successful people around, even in our neighborhood, you will find that they are learners and they are readers. They have their personal libraries and you often spot them carrying a book or magazine.”
“Yeah Coach. I have observed that.”
“You see, reading allows you to look into the mind, perspective and insights of the authors. You commune with the authors in a certain way. Reading is very helpful especially if you read the masters of their craft,” I explained.
“What if I do not agree with what I read? Would it be a bad thing if I question the masters?”
“You do not have to agree all the time. But by reading and reflecting on what you have read, you begin to see things in different angles. No author knows it all. And no author is always right. You have the right to form your own convictions. You have the right to build on what the masters have contributed. And you have the right to create your own path,” I said with gusto. “It stirs your mind. It pounds your heart. You form new ideas. You imagine. Clarity comes and…”
“Coach, sorry for interrupting. But may I go now? I still have a lot to read.”
“Okay. But journal the highlights of your learning and the ideas you conceive,” I suggested. “And come back next week, same time. Reading is only one way to build your expertise. It cannot stand alone. See ya!”
© Eduardo R. Pilapil Jr. 2010
A Different Expert
November 10th, 2010 § 2 Comments
“Hey Coach, I have found what I love to do and I think I can be really good at this. You said that I should aim for expertise. How do I do that?” asked Jake.
“First of all. I want to make sure that you understand why you should aim for expertise…” I responded.
Jake interrupted, “I think you mentioned before that if I want to make my passion into a career, profession or enterprise… I should be really good at it in order that I can add value to others…”
“Go on…” I encouraged.
“If I add value to others and they appreciate the value I give, they will not hesitate to buy-in,” Jake continued.
“Exactly!” I affirmed. “But let me strengthen that position further.”
Jake listens intently.
“The expert, whether he calls himself an expert or not, is really good at what he does. But that is not enough. His recipients should perceive the value of his knowledge or skills. The recipient could be a community, an organization or other buyers. The expert should be the first person they remember when a specific need arises,” I explained.
“I get it. Like me, I love making kids happy especially in birthday parties. I can juggle, do a puppet show, and do magic tricks. If I am effective in making kids laugh and amused then the party organizers will get my services,” Jake said with excitement.
“The keys are: you love what you are doing, you effectively and reliably deliver the expectation, you are one of the best, and you are different from the others,” I summarized.
“Wait, what do you mean by different?” He inquired.
“Instead of striving to be the best, strive to be unique in the minds of your customers. If you are like everybody else, you will always be compared thus, you are just one of them in the mind of the customer,” I answered.
“Is it because there are so much competition?” asked Jake.
“Yes. Because there are so many entrepreneurs offering the same service, the best strategy is to be different. Being different or unique sets you apart from the competition. For example, if everyone does juggling as we all know it, why not juggle while dancing or juggle blindfolded if no one is doing it. The point of being different is to be remembered,” I expounded.
“What if I make myself different not only through my act but also through other means like always giving greeting cards to my clients?” Jake shared.
“Yes. You are now delving into marketing strategies. But you are right, most entrepreneurs do not write their clients after the service is rendered. We’ll discuss marketing but for now, focus to become an expert,” I reminded.
“Yes, I know,” Jake reacted.
“By the way, will you focus on making kids happy through party shows?” I asked.
“No, that is one of my passions but that is not my number one passion and skill. I mentioned it earlier just for discussion’s sake. My real passion is public speaking with a touch of stand up comedy, ” Jake smiled.
“I see. Let us begin then. Allow me to show you the path to expertise…”
© Eduardo R. Pilapil Jr. 2010
Maximize Your Potential: How to Go Beyond Your Limits
August 22nd, 2008 § 1 Comment
An e-book version of my new book, Maximize Your Potential: How to Go Beyond Your Limits is now available. Everyone has untapped potential and there are two ways to approach it. The first is to ignore it, thus, it remains dormant. The second is to pay attention to it and cultivate it, thus, you become more productive and effective. If you want to pay attention to it and cultivate it then this book is for you.
Maximize Your Potential: How to Go Beyond Your Limits is about increasing your capacity to be more and achieve more. It is also about inspiring you to take that God-given capacity and unleash it to the world despite the obstacles that you may face.
The book discusses 9 factors and action items that if applied will guarantee that you will Maximize Your Potential.
- Understand Yourself
- Be Passionate
- Hunger for Knowledge and Wisdom
- Develop Your Inner Strength
- Have People Support Groups
- Be Serious About Your Goals
- Always Have a Plan
- Take Vigorous Action
- Self-Evaluate and Adjust
Click here to visit my landing page and click ORDER NOW to pay via PayPal or Credit Card.
Motivational Speaker
December 26th, 2007 § 1 Comment
Do you want to see your organization in high motivation mode? Do you want to develop a positive culture? Do you want teams that deliver results? If your answer is yes, yes and yes then you need motivational seminars or training that can energize your organization? Please read the partial list below. If you have a topic that you want to request that is not found on the list, please make the request by leaving a note below.
Culture of Excellence
The first step to a culture of excellence is to understand it. That means every member of the team has the same concept and standard of what is excellent.
Success and Values
Success and values are very much connected to each other. Instead of just focusing on the results, the team should also focus on values that bring about the results.
Integrity in the Workplace
Integrity is not just about morality. It is also about integration. It is about having a unified, well integrated team.
Creating a Positive Environment
Each team player can contribute to a positive environment, an environment that feels good to work in.
Speak with Confidence
Communicate your thoughts with confidence and clarity. Overcome the fear of speaking before small groups or large crowds.
Building Your Self-Image
Reflect an aura of cleanliness, confidence, concern and happiness that will gain you respect, recognition and opportunities.
A Happiness Centered Business
The workplace can be a happy place if there are efforts to make it such without sacrificing the deliverables.
Motivation for Financial Freedom
The road to financial freedom begins with strong motivation. Increase your worthy reasons, increase your motivation.
Become a Person or Company of Significance
Significance is the value we give to others. It is the memory we leave in the hearts we touch.
How to Practice Mutual – Coaching
You can practice mutual-coaching if you are willing to improve yourself through the feedback of others and, if you are willing to help others improve.
Strengthen Your Teamwork
Teamwork can never be overrated. No one can do it alone. There is always someone else who helped, assisted, supported, advised, encouraged, and more. All success is about teams who pulled together.
Continuous Learning in the Workplace
Small companies may not be able to afford educating their employees as some big companies do. But they can run a continuous learning program. That is one of the best ways to empower your team.
Team Motivation
Talent and skill is not enough for a team to soar. Talent and skill withmotivation can produce amazing results.
Developing Inner Strength
Never allow anyone or any environment to affect you negatively. Develop yourinner strength and you will be able to influence your environment in apositive way.
The Extraordinary Life
The difference between the ordinary and the extraordinary is that littleextra.
How to Deal with Failure
Failure can be the end of you if you allow it to. But if you learn to riseabove it, failure is not the end! Deal with it by learning from it andmoving on.
Motivation Factor
Motivation is always a plus factor to yourself and the others around. Useit to increase your potential.
Law of the Farm
Sow, nurture, and reap – this is the law of the farm – you sow what youreap. Sow good seed to others, nurture it, one day will reap it.
Ed Pilapil Jr. ©
Don’t be an Entrepreneur without a Goal
December 18th, 2007 § 1 Comment
“A man without a goal is like a ship without a rudder.” – Thomas Carlyle
Without clear and specific goals, you will end up nowhere.
An entrepreneur without a goal could be the most pathetic entrepreneur ever, not to mention boring. His business drifts where the waves throw it because it has no direction.
An entrepreneur with a goal on the other hand knows where he or she is going. What must be accomplished is clear. The future has been envisioned.
All business activities or series of efforts are orchestrated toward the goal.
The goal motivates the entrepreneur to think and work. His/Her daily routine could not be a drag or a bore. It is very exciting especially when there is progress.
Write down your goals, post them where you always see them, establish a process to reach them, make a timetable for each part of the process, estimate the cost, and act on them!
Ed Pilapil Jr. ©
Extra-Ordinary Entrepreneur
November 11th, 2007 § Leave a Comment
Extraordinary. Ordinary. The real difference is just a little extra. However, it is actually a whole lot more if accumulated through time.
Every person has the opportunity to be extraordinary. All that’s needed is the decision and the determination to consistently do the extra.
In the 1940s a respected senator who was admired for his knowledge was asked, “You never spent much time in college, if any. How did you acquire your understanding of national and international affairs? Where have you learned so much about so many things?”
His answer was direct, “When I was 18 I made a rule that I would read 2 hours everyday. Whether I am in a train, in hotels, in waiting rooms…”
Reading for two hours everyday made him an expert without spending much time in college.
That little extra accumulated through time compounds. People who will never sacrifice for that little extra everyday or every week will never be extraordinary, they will remain ordinary forever.
In basketball, an extra field goal, or an extra rebound, or an extra steal, or an extra turn over; can determine between winning and losing.
The coach understands the importance of that little extra in every area. A dynamic team will always strive to give a little more than their best.
If every member of the team gives ten percent more, the end result is not ten percent increase in the bottom-line. It is so much more.
This is also true for any business. Try increasing the rate in every sales activity by ten percent.
If we increase the number of leads, conversion rate, number of transactions, and profit margins each by ten percent; the result is not ten percent more in the bottom-line. It is so much more.
That little extra accumulated through time compounds. Teams who will never sacrifice for that little extra will remain ordinary forever.
Do you want to be an extraordinary entrepreneur? If yes, then you must put in that little extra in every area of your business and yourself in a regular manner.
By Ed Pilapil Jr. ©
